


if you hadn't found me sitting all alone in the dark

by brookethenerd



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 09:20:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9432587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookethenerd/pseuds/brookethenerd
Summary: au in which lukas has to choose between philip and motocross, but realizes there isnt really a choice to be made at all





	

Lukas Waldenbeck knew who he was, and who he wanted to be. He was into motocross, and he was damn good at it. He had a popular girlfriend, and he was popular. He saw the path in front of him clearly, and knew exactly where to step to follow it.

Then Philip Shea moved to town. And everything crumbled. His life became nightmares and a dangerous new reality, with splinters of confusion sprinkled in. There was this boy who lit him on fire, who held him as he wasn’t afraid to be burned.

This boy came along and changed everything.

At first, he thought it was for the worse. Things were falling so quickly around him, he didn’t see that his path hadn’t stopped at all; it had split in two. Two directions he could go, two roads to follow.

He didn’t realize he would have to pick one until now. Until the sponsor came back a second time, this time with terms, rules for Lukas to follow in order to keep his sponsor ship.

He would become the real thing. With money and fame and more girls than he could possibly imagine. That’s what the sponsor told him, sitting at the table with Lukas and his father. Bo looked over at him at the mention of girls, but Lukas kept his jaw set.

“You’ll have to stop hanging out with that boy. The one from the cabin. Everything that happened surrounding the incidents need to be kept quiet. It doesn’t look good for you, you understand.” The man said, already assuming Lukas is on his side.

The old Lukas would have been. The Lukas he was before the cabin, before _Philip_. The old Lukas would have said yes immediately, with no questions.

The new Lukas doesn’t know what to say.

“I understand it’s a lot to process. It’s a big deal. I’ll give you the weekend to think it over. Sound good?” The man asks. Lukas nods blankly, eyes on the wooden table in front of him. The man gives him a thin smile, and gets to his feet, gathering his things. Bo leads him to the floor, and closes it, pausing for a moment before coming back into the kitchen to look at Lukas.

“A few months ago, I’d have said take the sponsorship.” Bo says after a moment. Lukas lifts his head.

“And now?”

“Now, I think you should think about it.”

“What do I do?”

Bo shakes his head, looking out the window above the sink.

“I can’t tell you that, kid. It’s not my decision to make.”

Lukas frowns, and looks down at his lap.

Lukas has been waiting for this his entire life. He’s being a second chance at a sponsorship. It’s sitting right in front of him, and all he has to do is reach out and take it.

But taking it would mean walking away from Philip, and what they have. He doesn’t know if he wants that.

He doesn’t know if he could bear it.

* * *

 

Lukas ends up where he finds himself anytime he doesn’t know what to do.

Philip’s house.

Rather, the tree out by his barn, where he and Philip have spent hours sitting and talking and kissing and laughing.

He doesn’t even text him to let him know he’s there; Philip must have seen him drive up.

Philip tugs a hoodie over his head, and sits down beside Lukas in the grass, leaning back against the thick trunk. He draws his knees to his chest, wrapping an arm around them, and waits for Lukas to speak.

“The sponsor came back.”

“What’d he say?” Philip asks.

Lukas closes his eyes, brows knitting together.

“I have to pick between the sponsorship and-“ Lukas stops.

“And what?”

“ _And you_.” Lukas says, opening his eyes. He looks over at Philip, whose face has gone white. His jaw clenches, and he gets to his feet, Lukas’ hand falling away as he does so. He looks away, arms crossed against his chest.

“Fine. Whatever.” Philip says.

Lukas looks up at him, confused. He doesn’t know what he said; he hadn’t realized he’d said something wrong.

“Philip-“

“Whatever you want, Lukas.” Philip says, voice sharp. Lukas stands up, lost.

“What?”

“You’re breaking up with me.” Philip says, avoiding Lukas’ eyes. Lukas’ stands up, reaching for Philip. Philip pulls away, and Lukas feels frantic; he’s going to leave.

“No. Philip-no.”

“It’s fine, Lukas.”

Philip turns, and Lukas stomach tumbles, the words spilling out of his mouth before he can think.

“I chose you. I-I chose you, because I love you. I chose you-I’ll always choose you.” Lukas says, letting his confession hit his feet, watching it register on Philip’s face.

The walls in Philip’s eyes go down, and his lips part.

“I came here because I wanted to ask you what I should do, because you’re the person I want to talk to. When I’m mad or sad or scared-it’s always you. And I realized that I didn’t even need to ask what to do, because I knew. I picked you. I’ll always pick you.” Lukas says, unable to stop.

Suddenly, the giant-ness of it all hits him, and he can’t stop talking. This-him and Philip-is big, so big, and he would get rid of that.

“It’s you, Philip. It’s always you.” Lukas says, falling short. This is the most honest Lukas has been with anyone in years; maybe in his whole life.

Lukas always chooses his words carefully. He doesn’t let people in, and he sure as hell doesn’t talk about how he feels.

He used to not, at least. But Philip has the ability to uncork the filter in his head, the one that hides things, and shoves it all to the surface.

“Don’t go. Please.” Lukas says. Philip’s eyes flick around Lukas’ face, and Lukas is sure he’s going to keep walking, but instead, stumbles back toward him.

Lukas catches him as Philip throws his arms around him, and buries his face in Lukas’ shirt. Lukas ducks his head, face pressing into Philip’s hair. His own arms wind around him, and he holds him close.

Everything makes sense when Philip is around. All the bad stuff and the sad stuff the scary stuff is manageable-even defeatable-with Philip around.

Maybe that’s what love is, Lukas thinks. Someone who makes everything clear. Someone that makes you invincible. Someone that makes you strong.


End file.
